Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
