my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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