i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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