my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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