ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
