You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
