That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
