Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
