Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
