I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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