There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
