I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My vagina is officially offended.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
