she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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