I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
