my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
