No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
