she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
