I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
