I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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