I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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