your thong is hanging out like whoa
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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