i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
