Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
