Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
