I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
