Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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