when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
