Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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