I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
