When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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