I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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