If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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