i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
