Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
