i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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