she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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