When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
