Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
