how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i now understand why vodka
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
