God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
