he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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