just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude i'm inner monologue high
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
