Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
