Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
