The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
