We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
