its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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