Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
