I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
