exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
