something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
