This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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