i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
