I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
