I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
